- Tara Ferguson, PhD
New Year....new me?
I’ve often found this statement a bit discomforting, though we’ll find it plastered all about for the next month or so. It will be found in gyms, media and our friends will be saying it. I’d like to unravel it a bit, pointing out what makes me feel uncomfortable – the statement new ME.
It’s the “ME” part that makes me uneasy. It’s sounds as if we should throw ourselves away at the end of December and try out a new identity. What makes us who we are, makes us
and that’s a whole lot that I don’t believe needs throwing away. The “me” in that sentence is exactly what let’s us fulfill the purpose for our lives, it allows us to engage with the world in the irreplaceable way that only we can.
Let me give you my twist on this statement – let’s go instead with…
New Year – New Dreams
New Year – New Goals
New Year – New Action
These questions allow for us to be who we are, embrace it and even love it, while still challenging ourselves to show up even better in the new year. It allows for unapologetic self-love, which is a key ingredient in accomplishing fulfillment.
Now this would be followed up by my favorite questions -- what’s your “why” and how are you showing up for it?
What’s your purpose/goal/dream? What motivates you, lights your heart on fire and makes you reach for more? More often than not, we don’t know the answer to that question all the time. If we can work to figure out that part, we have a whole lot more zeal to work with entering the New Year, rather than the guilt and shame that are associated with deciding which “me” I’d like to be this year.
Guilt and shame can kick the curb, I’ll take zeal for life any day.
If you have the answer to that question, then maybe next dig into what’s standing in your way? What is that negative core belief, that thing you tell yourself when you decide you won’t or CAN’T do something? Maybe it’s “I’m not enough” or “I’m not that smart, pretty etc.” You fill in the blank. The strength that you give that one belief affects the way you perceive and therefore experience life and approach goals. These negative thoughts affect the passion that we have for life.
We as human beings, often criticize ourselves, but rarely often dig deeper into those self-criticisms. Chances are, those thoughts are invalid, yet we’re setting and going after our goals and living our lives impacted by them. Unpack those thoughts, for whatever reason they’re there (past experiences, what you’ve been told) there is hardly a reason for them to stay put. Ask yourself, if I put that thought on trial, what’s the evidence AGAINST that being true? Tear those negative thoughts down with the truth.
So I challenge you, instead of figuring out who the “new me” is this year, explore what new dreams, new goals and new action you’d like to take. Explore your “why,” your purpose, what sets your soul on fire. Explore what is standing in your way and begin to knock it down.
We’d love to explore those questions with you here at POP, in fact they’re my favorite questions to investigate because in that investigation, I find that we experience a sense of true freedom and self-love.
By Stefanie Borrelli, LCSW, LCAS
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