Mental Health POV: Your Discomfort is an Opportunity.

Sometimes it is tempting to turn to substances to help us "forget" our problems and pain.

If there is a virus infecting humans today, it is our allergy to uncomfortable things. I think we’ve accidentally watched too many commercials, and it has us thinking that our discomforts are problems that should be eliminated. And that’s actually true, but the method of elimination is important. Elimination of problems through their suppression or avoidance, often aided by substances, addictions to shopping or otherwise acquiring objects or experiences, constant need for contact with others, at times escalating into neediness, clinginess, aversions to spending time alone or in “down time,” or even developing dependencies or love addictions. The common denominator in all these things is that we keep ourselves busy and distracted to avoid acknowledging and dealing with our discomfort. When things go wrong, we angrily blame others, get our friends to validate us over a couple of drinks, then move on to quickly suppressing the experience because it felt so uncomfortable.

I’m here to tell you there’s another way! We can heal ourselves ~ I promise~ if we just become willing to walk through the dark places that we discover in our discomfort. This can lead to a better understanding of yourself, others and the world that can give you greater peace of mind in the long term. And at least in that way, you can make something good out of the challenges you face.

How can we know what improvements are needed in our lives without being aware of the need for improvements? Each time we feel discomfort, that is our emotional guidance system telling us that there is something happening that is not in the best interests of our survival. Whether that might be a negative belief about ourselves from the past that is sabotaging us in the present, or a friend with dark intentions who tries to appear caring and kind, it’s always in our best interests to listen to this “internal voice” with curiosity. Our patriarchal values-based society may tell you that emotions are weakness, make you “crazy” and/or vulnerable, and that we should “overcome” them in favor of logic and reasoning. I’d like to challenge that and say that all tools - mind, body, intellect, spirit, social and emotional - are available, valuable and necessary for our survival.

If we can find the courage to turn toward them, our discomforts can be a guiding light toward what needs healing, or could be improved.

Our emotional system was the 2nd part of the brain to develop in our evolutionary history, only after the necessary survival functions of the autonomic nervous system were established (breathing, heart rate, blood pressure, temperature regulation, digestion, etc). Despite the development of the 3rd part of the brain (the prefrontal cortex, with its logic and reasoning areas) later in human history, the emotional areas of the brain have not become less important. In fact, I would venture to say that around 80% of our choices and behaviors, and especially the ones that we do not fully understand, are emotionally motivated, whether we are aware of it or not. And that’s not an insult – that just the way it should be!

Emotions take into consideration every piece of information your psyche has collected throughout your life experiences – all the rules you have learned, the consequences of actions you have observed, your culture, upbringing and values, what is important for your survival and what works against it – and this emotional system brilliantly produce a quick feeling valance in our awareness (if we let it into our awareness) that can help you effortlessly and efficiently decide whether you want to approach or avoid a certain experience, person or thing. It is much more quick and effective than having to take a moment to “think things through,” especially when you don’t have more than a moment to make a decision. So, not only are emotions important for our survival, they are a mental shortcut that nature has designed for us to find our paths in this life. If we make a mistake, no big deal because that information just gets added to our knowledge bank to be used in future scenarios.

I would encourage you to become curious about your discomforts. Let them lead you on a trail of self-discovery that tells you about who you are, what you’re made up of, and what you will and won’t stand for. Let them lead you toward the highest version of yourself; the one who has faced the demons, learned the lessons and come out stronger on the other side; secure in who you are, having gained your own unique wisdom, and full of love and playfulness.

A skilled therapist companion can walk through the darkness with you, helping you to reconnect with your own light.

Therapy can be a place where we can create a container of curiosity and courage for you to do your work. A skilled therapist companion can guide you through it, and provide encouragement and accountability along the way. Let us help you turn your discomforts into strength today 😊

Read about our therapists.

Schedule an appointment